your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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