i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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