so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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