Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
