I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
