I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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