After last night, I could never be a politician.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
