i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
