Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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