I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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