Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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