Buhtt sex?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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