he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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