I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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