Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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