Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
