I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
