When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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