The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
