i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
