ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
