Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
