it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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