Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
