But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
