I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
