im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
