If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
