I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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