i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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