So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
