Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
