just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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