I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
