just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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