Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
