A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
