Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
