He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
