dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
