Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
