We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
