I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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