i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
