Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
