How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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