On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
