Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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