Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
