; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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