Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
