yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
