**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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