ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
