Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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