i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
